Cute Things Happen To Cute Ducks

Okie so this is like an interactive poem, it is like super cute and super fun, if you follow along…

So OK. I want you all to close your eyes. I’m serious. Close your eyes unless you like being sad or something

So! Ok. I want you to imagine: I want you to imagine a BEAUTIFUL field

Now hold that. A beautiful field, a green field, a quite field. Now breath in *big inhale* and breath out *big exhale*

Now! I want you to up the ante! I want you to imagine the most beautiful field in the whole world

            Breath that perfect field in. On your face, blows a perfect breeze.

            It’s a safe field, it’s your field…

Now breath, inhale the simple beauty. The blue sky, the rolling hills. *deep inhale* … *deep exhale*

 

Ohmygod! Guess what!?

Here comes a super cute duck! She’s waddling up – all sassy like. Damn. That duck, she knows what she wants! Ohmygawwwd. She wants to hand out with – you!

                        Because guess what?

                        You’re looking right at that duck, thinking: awwwwwww she so cute!

                        And guess what?

                        That cute duck, she’s looking right back at you!

                        That duck thinks that you’re cute!

She waddles right on up. And then! She sit

                                                                        There she is. Sitting all comfy like in a the sunlight

                                                                        Sitting in a nice. Soft. Comfy patch of lush grass

Damn! That’s a comfy duck! That cute duck, she so comfy – that just looking at her soft comff

It makes you feel super comff.

Alright breath this in. I want everyone in the audience to feel comfy now

                                                                                                            relax your body language

Relax them traps *Inhale deeply*        *Exhale deeply*

Yeahhh. That’s right. That’s better. Ahhhh…. *Inhale deeply*           *Exhale deeply*

Oh yeah. Hah. That’s right, Ducks!

Ok Ok so you’re all back in that field, that beautiful field. You’re there with your new cute duck friend. Just sitting. Just being… hmmhhhh. So Comfy. So Chill. Yeeaahhhh

But then!

                        The Duck looks up, and you look down

                                                                                    And you both look into each other’s eyes

And you’re both like * ! *

Awww. This momement. Oh… mygawd.

It’s almost too cute to handle.                         You both feel all warm. And *ahhhhh* so fuzzy inside.

And                 * hehehehe * you feel all giggly

Then! Your duck friend! She smile!

            !!!                                             Imagine a duck smiling!

__ ducks can’t smile __

But you can imagine a duck smiling!                I know you can. I believe in you! You can imagine that Duck is smiling the cutest Duck smile in the whole world!

Then!... Then! The Duck, she say… she say: Quack!

Yeahhhhhh *Deep inhale*      *Deep exhale*

This. This is such a perfect moment. Such a cute, warm moment. It’s the kind of moment that you’ll hold in your heart forever.

The kind of moment you want to put in your pocket and keep it forever.

                                                Because it’s easy to forget: But super important to remember…

*Inhale deeply*                        *Exhale Deeply*

Cute things happen to cute ducks

                                                            And you deserve to feel happy

 

Please Punch Darts

Smoke cigarettes

Obviously. I mean. It’s the right thing to do

As in, it’s the moral thing to do

It is the just thing to do – to blast dank puffs

 

You people have no idea what I’m fuckin’ talking about, do ya?

For fuck’s sake

It’s simple

Go to the fridge

Get some liquid tobacco

And drink that shit

 

Over population

Wealth inequality

Food scarcity

Climate Change

 

Do I really have to spell it out for you numb-skulls?

 

Slap smokes

Smack cigarillos

 

It’s pious

It’s good

It’s righteous

 

You selfish fucking pricks

 

Suicide?

Suicide is fucking selfish

 

Don’t do it

It’s annoying

And it pisses people off

 

So don’t do it

 

Snort baccy

Suck up that dark grey cloud

Soak up summa that sweet yellow-brown

 

There’s too many kids

Little fuckin’ goblins

 

Don’t give a ciggy to a kid

Seriously

Don’t

 

But also – don’t have kids

That’s even worse – and gross

Fucking kids – they get everywhere

And don’t bring it out in public

Fuck

Have some respect

There’s people trying to smoke out here

So leave your gross proto-human at home

 

And God

I can’t believe I have to say this

Don’t take pictures of your

Disgusting baby

Don’t advertise that swollen idiot online

 

Pump nicotine pingaz

Throw down a cigar

Do it while you’re dehydrated

 

But put your fucking baby away

Put it in a cupboard – I don’t care

Just don’t display it in public

It’s shameful

 

Over population

What are you gonna do about it?

 

Salivate on a slim death stick

 

Don’t kill ya self

You’ll piss off a lot of nice people

 

But fang it

Shave twenty years of your otherwise overlong life

 

Do the right thing

 

Smack cigs.

Pull bulk fire slugs

Breath flames through those slim, hairy ash dicks

 

Do the right thing

 

Don’t have kids

 

Don’t be a pig

 

Sing an early death

 

Shove your soul out through the rancid sphincter that is your life

 

Don’t overstay the welcome of your uninteresting breath

 

Do the right thing

 

Have a fuckin’ cig

 

Cheese

Hahahahahaha! Hah

Ahhhhhhhh…

I dunno should U be cute now? Or be my true cunnnnnnn…ing self? Let’s take a vote.

Yeah. You guys are right. I should be whatever the fluff I was gonna be before the vote.

Voting amiright? Topical amiright? I voted for a stable government – I voted for Malcolb TurnBILL

What? Scott TurnBULL? Tony Morrison?

Whatever.

Reminds me of a tale. Looking around, I have my doubts – but I wonder, any of you creeps ever been the token white prick in a room? Anyway, so there I was, only white guy hangin with my Black friends. We’re having a few laughs, talking shit about uni, havin a beer – shrimp on the barbie etc. Then everyone starts exchanging racist insults – cause they’re all different nationalities, from different continents etc. So im getting sweaty. Everyone’s laughin as they’re roasting each other – I chuckle at one particularly heinous remark and seize up – am I allowed to enjoy this??

Suddenly all eyes are on me, they’re egging me on to get in on the racism fun. I gotta say, I thought my rib was pretty clever. I said: You blacks are so cute. Tryna be all mean to each other. You’re talking to a natural over here – like, us white pricks rule the racism game – we invented it! Is it even possible to be racist against whites?

I got a few laughs – phew! Then my South Sudanese mate gives me a friendly jab.

“Fuck you! U white fuck! All u whites – you smell like cheese! All you do is eat fucking cheese! Fuck you!”

I cracked up. It’s so true! Us whiteys are all cheese! Even vegans – whiteys that don’t actual eat cheese pretend to with ‘faux cheese’.

But yeah, such a confusingly beautiful experience. I mean, can you imagine it? I was there, feeling refreshed and included – because someone said a racist insult at you?

If that’s not the whitest, triple brie, water-cracker, fermented-cream-loving, stinky cheese example of being white privilege – I dunno what is. Like ‘Ahh Rass-ism, happening to me? Tsk. Isn’t that like SAH FUNNAYE?’

But yeah. Honestly, the next part is one of my most treasured memories. My Sudanese friends – name of ‘Jesus Develop’ – that’s just his anglicised name; his true tribal name… we’ll he told me a few times, but it was too complicated for my dumb white mouth to do correctly. After trying to pronounce his name and failing a few times – I went on the offensive, I teased him about it. I said,

‘Yeah nah. I’m too white and middle-class to put any effort into saying that correctly. So I’ll just call you ‘click-click *fart sound* click’

He cracks up. He says ‘Lazy white fuck. Maybe if I bought you some cheese you, you stinky fuck!’

Then he beams a big, beautiful Sudanese smile and extends his arm over my shoulder and gives me a squeeze.

He says ‘Tayla – fuck you. I love you man. You – are my nnnnnnnnnnn(ot gonna say it on stage)’

But wow. I get chills just thinking about it. What an honour; what a beautiful gift. Perhaps I love projecting that story because it alleviates my white guilt. But also it’s a lesson that alights with my core value – my definition of love. My love language.

Because I believe that True love – true love is authentic ugliness.

When we love someone

We don’t hold in out farts

We don’t hold in out anger

We don’t hold in out shame

We don’t hold in out fear

We don’t hold in out jealous

We don’t hold in out weakness

When we love someone, we don’t hold in our destructive darkness

We don’t hold in our obnoxious light

When you love someone, you don’t hold in your humanity

When you love someone white – you put cheese on their cracker

When you love someone black – you call them your

Addiction

Art doesn’t even help

I don’t even want the void

I’d get bored being nothing

Wish I’d felt                 when I could still feel

I’m more alive than a rock

Less alive than an Android

What celestial bod? I’m no one

A cold sod

Bumpin around the asteroid belt

I’m sad – im fucked.

Ruined from Jordan Peterson to Jesus Christ

Meaningless from Jung to Freud

I feel something – I remember something

Oh yeah that’s right – it was nothing

Wondering if im human – if I cared – if I even could

If I even would

Last time I got wood

Crying and cumming to a fiction

Hate-fapping to an actor

Pretending the fuck was good

Pretending she was there

Pretending she was where she should

I write poems when im drunk

My depression – I try debunk

Who’d even thunk?

Infront of an audience, could mark the lowest that I’d sunk

You’re The One

I love you because

            You love me

I know…                     what you don’t know about me

I know…                     I feel things that I can’t truly express to you

I know…                     nothing

                                                except you

I don’t understand

                        That we are not connected

Because we’re dancing

                                    Flowing, always and forever

Together, eyes wide open

                                    Intertwined in full view of each other’s

Light

Kalidescopic heights

Each other’s might

                                    Red, green, blue, violet and yellow

                                    Black in white

Ultra-colour, infra-light

You are you, just right

I am me – brave and kind

Absorbing your plight

 

You are cleopatra from space

I’m cyborg Marc Anthony

Comin atcha

Whatever the distance, ill race

 

We’re Byzantine and Rome

at peace; at home

We’re London and Berlin

Carpet Love bombs,

Fallin’ therein

 

If you’re imperfect – I try ’n’ searching it

All I find          a beautiful hu-man

A hill to climb atop, I’m a better man

 

You’re love is blinding

            In this darkness, I’m finding

Illumination of my heart – I see carved there your name

                                    It’s there forever

                                    It’s binding

For better or worse, reality can never be the same

 

Our love – is no game

If it were – I lose, you win

I fail – to express, just how good you’ve been

 

You love me

                        How deep I feel, maybe when you die

At one again with the Source

Maybe then

just how much I love you

You could see