Taylor J Smith

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Addiction + Sound and Colour

Addiction 

Art doesn’t even help 

I don’t even want the void 

I’d get bored being nothing 

Wish I’d felt when I could still feel 

I’m more alive than a rock 

Less alive than an Android 

What celestial bod? I’m no one 

A cold sod 

Bumpin around the asteroid belt 

I’m sad – im fucked. 

Ruined from Jordan Peterson to Jesus Christ 

Meaningless from Jung to Freud 

I feel something – I remember something 

Oh yeah that’s right – it was nothing 

Wondering if im human – if I cared – if I even could 

If I even would 

Last time I got wood 

Crying and cumming to a fiction 

Hate-fapping to an actor 

Pretending the fuck was good 

Pretending she was there 

Pretending she was where she should 

I write poems when im drunk 

My depression – I try debunk 

Who’d even thunk? 

Infront of an audience, could mark the lowest that I’d sunk

Sound and Colour 

I look out the window  

the abyss         stares back at me. 

And the stars. A billion billion, a trillion trillion. Dancing their pointless dance and battling their pointless battles. Some blue, some red, all emitting waves beyond and below our wildest imaginations. The multiplicity, the infinite permutations. 

 

Are we really alone? 

 

My mind, always on the big questions. There are more pressing matters. 

Where am I? How did we go so wrong? Was it my fault? Does any of it matter? 

Back to the big questions. Perhaps that’s the only question that matters, does it matter? 

 

Out here, in nowhere. Floating with everyone who survived; floating on my own. 

A speck of dust twinkling in a ray of sunshine 

in an abandoned house. 

A beautiful idea 

kept in the dark by an anxious mind and a hopeless heart. 

A nothing 

trudging through the emptiness of everything. 

 

I am humanity’s greatest ambition; I am humanity’s greatest failure. 

 

There is a God 

but she made the universe as a joke 

and the punchline never landed.